So, why do you homeschool?

For some reason I'm assuming that every homeschooler's blog has to contain a post like this.  We're supposed to be asked this question constantly, and have a handy explanation ready from having to answer it so often.

That's not me.  No one ever asks.

For the last few years we have moved in circles where we know more who do than don't.  After all, increasing numbers of families choose to do it.  Or in circles where people make a conscious effort to live and let live.  Alternatively, everyone around may just assume we're...eccentric... and not want to know the details. 
Those people don't have to read this post.  But I plan to tell the story anyway.  It's a story, not a policy.  A love story really.

Three and a half years ago, we sold our home so that my husband could attend Bible college for a certificate.  Our fourth child had just been born.  We had two daughters in Elementary School, a son in Preschool and the baby.  The girls had always been public-schooled, and we never had any problems or complaints about it.  When we moved, we just put them into the local public school.  It was big, but the girls liked their teachers, both men.  They did well.   Played intramurals.  Got tomato soup spit at them at lunch, and pushed other girls into the dirt at recess.  But that's not why we brought them home. 

On the Saturday before the first day of school that year, I suddenly realized that on Wednesday, I was going to be FREE!  Free!  They were going to be gone to school for hours at a time and I would get some peace and quiet, without someone asking me to do something for them every 2 minutes.  No more breaking up fights or wondering what they had gotten into when it was too quiet.  No loud mouths waking the baby.  Yup, I was happy.  Delighted.  Excited.  And then I thought...there is something wrong with this picture.  It appears I am raising kids that even I don't actually enjoy being with.

Yup.  True confessions.

A year or so prior to this, we were discussing with some people at a Christian agency what our schooling options would be if we were to live overseas.  I said absolutely no to homeschooling.  No interest in it whatsoever.   One of my main reasons was that my oldest child didn't believe a word I said and would argue with me all day long.  And when the representative said they had some concerns about that relationship, I blew her off.  She just didn't understand what I meant, I said.  It's not like the kid is terrible. 

During the year at the Bible College, many people homeschooled.  There was a huge Co-op that met at the church we could see from our window.  Other college students had kids at home, too.  When the end of the year of Bible college came, we had to move again.  We thought we would only be in the new location, our sending base, for about 3 months and might move out of country after that, or at least more around some.  (That's not what happened, but that's not important to the story really). Having had those bad experiences with fitting in, I began to get used to the idea of homeschooling as a "mercy killing."  I didn't want to do it, and didn't consider it something I would do long term, either.  I'm a very practical person, and just wanted to save them the agony of trying to make friends in another new place, just to move away again.  In fact our son went to public kindergarten that year.  I didn't want the pressure of having to teach him anything "important" like learning to read.  My theory was that since the older girls could already read, they would be teaching themselves whatever they needed to know, with little input from me. 

So during our first semester of homeschooling, I was really absent.  I was in class at least half the day for our orientation to the agency we were working with, and had homework of my own.  I set the girls' schedules, nothing more.  They did exactly what was written in the book, and I looked at their work once or twice a week.  They were bored.  Their Math skills were terrible -in fact, have never quite recovered.  I blew it that year, thinking that they would just progress on their own.  I had purchased a "boxed" curriculum, which came in three huge boxes- including a hardcover book for each girl for almost every subject, a hardcover teacher's guide for me for each girl in each subject, and several workbooks and test packets.  I chose it because it was cheap and thorough according to people at homeschoolcurriculumreviews.com.  It had a word-for-word script for the lessons in the guides and I tried to do them in some subjects, really I did.  But my girls could sense my anxiety and that I was unimpressed with the curriculum.  They made fun of it (and I think it would be rude to say why, or what program it was).   They resented it for being dorky.

We moved again mid-year and I did a better job, I think, with the rest of the year.  They had my full attention, and our boy stayed home from kindergarten after that, too (since he'd already learned to read).  I soon began to understand what homeschooling was "supposed" to be like, or rather, to appreciate some of the benefits of having the kids at home.  I felt that I knew them better than when they were strangers who came to visit for several hours each afternoon.  I knew what they were learning and thinking about.  I knew what they were reading and what they struggled with.  I got a bigger kick out of testing the pH of household products than they did!  That's when I realized that this could be fun!

We kept on moving about (that's another post), so the idea of putting them back into school was never discussed.  If we knew anything it was that I could never screw them up at home as much as changing schools over and over would.  We made our decisions or plans in increments of three months or so.  We changed curriculum for the second year, with mixed results.  We used something physically lighter, which was nice, but less challenging and not very integrated.  I stayed more involved, and in the middle of the year we also found a co-op where they could do gym, art and music. 

Even before we moved again this fall, I found a curriculum I was in love with for some subjects, and filled in the rest with a strong set of materials, too.  I have gotten more flexible with my choices with experience.  I've listened to my kids more.  Having lived with their learning styles, I became more alert to what they needed.  For example I had always blown of craft projects associated with their work because they were too messy, complicated or expensive.  But when I spent a week or two sampling the new curriculum, they dove into the crafts head first- even my bookish one!  I was sold on that, but that's another post, too.

I had a bit of an epiphany (hey, that's a holiday two days from now!) when we moved back here and I realized that, though it looks like we could be here for a longer stretch of time than we are used to, I hadn't even considered sending anyone back to school.  I do, in fact, know and like my kids and enjoy being at home with them, guiding them in their worldview.  There would have to be some very serious reasons to send anyone to school when we have such a good thing going here (math skills aside).  Our family dynamic has changed so much for the better.  Should relative strangers in the public school system have more influence over my offspring than I?  Teaching them at home is a responsibility, certainly, sometimes a drain on me.  But I also consider it an opportunity not to be missed.  I'm not saying that I hide my kids under a bushel to protect them from the dangerous world, although it might seem like that to some.  I prefer to think I am training them on how to approach this world with strength, integrity, sensitvity and God's love for the lost.  I teach them to think and to love learning. 

Today my daughter's friend's mom let me know she was taking her daughter out of public school (for a variety of reasons, different from mine).  Naturally I asked my daughter if this was her idea.  She said they had not really talked about it; but she also grinned.  A "we won them over to the dark side" kind of grin.  The other day a cousin was very excited about a trip to the library, and someone said we were turning him into a nerd like us.  That's an accusation I can deal with!  A part of me would love to take in other students, actually, but that's not legal in New York State. 

One other reason that deserves to be addressed of course is the flexibility I have in terms of grade level.  We're all over the map, doing some subjects at a higher level and others at lower than grade level.  This has become important to me especially with my son who moves along at a quick pace and is doing well at third grade math, learning the multiplication tables already/  I'm really glad I am able to do that for him, because I think a bored, bright child can become a danger to himself and others.  I know I was!

I've found I suddenly love to talk about our school choices.  I love to encourage and even counsel people who are new to the idea of homeschooling (even though I turned to internet sources instead of live ones, myself).  If I find out someone is considering it, I want to tell them all about what we do- I have to hold myself back because I know I could become obnoxious really quickly!  I wish I had had someone to explain the choices and approaches to school- for there are many- so that I could have found my niche sooner.  I understand that it's not for everyone, and that many moms truly enjoy their careers and/or aren't interested in, financially able, or willing to be at home.  It knew beyond a doubt that it wasn't for me three years ago, but I'm so glad I gave it a try.  I don't know whether teaching changed me, or I grew into it, or quite how it happened.  It's God at work; I didn't see it happening but I'm so different, and our family is so different from when we started.  And that child who didn't believe a word I said?  She's the one with the biggest smile most days.  
 
Homeschooling readers- do you have a post like this on your blog?
How has homeschool changed you?